The Office | Conflict Resolution (S2EP21)
Credit: Ashley McMinn
I wish someone had told me all these things when I was a confused, hurting teenager, so I am sharing them now. I hope they help someone the way they could have helped me.
holy hecking signal boost my dudes
You have no idea how true this is! Really! There was a time the only thing that kept me going was the knowledge one day I would get out of here. I’m still not completely out but one day I’ll be able to break free, at least now I’ve found my real family.
Family is not defined by blood. My brother is my only blood relative that seems like actual family to me. I’ve found my real family in college and I’m so glad I met them because yeah my family is little, and it is broken, but it is good, so good.
Anonymous asked:
wdym most women engage in disordered eating habits
i mean that most women engage in disordered eating habits. what is unclear about that? how many women do you know who DON’T binge, purge, fast, restrict, go on diets including fad diets, go on cleanses including juice cleanses, count calories, count other things they can use as proxies for calories, count the calories they burn, peg their food intake to something other than hunger, use food to control their emotions, treat food as something they must earn and don’t always deserve, exercise compulsively, restrict or eliminate certain food groups based on nutritional pseudoscience, categorize foods as good and bad, experience feelings of self loathing based on what they’ve eaten, or use their abstention from food and control of their bodies and therefore food intake to attain feelings of purity, transcendence, or fulfillment? don’t try me.
growing up id watch my mom eat like, a banana in the morning and that was it for the day unless she ate dinner every once in a blue moon. shed see me go to the kitchen for a snack after school and tell me “i was eating her out of house and home” ( not my three sisters, who she had already guilted into dieting, and I. Me alone ). She didn’t work some office job or anything, she cleans big ass houses on the expensive end of town. I watched her eat nothing, labor all day every day, then come home and complain about how fat she is. I heard her say less than five years ago to my pregnant sister who had been talking about how hungry she always felt “I use the air diet. When I’m at work and feel hungry I just take big breaths until I feel full”. Girls are RAISED to feel guilty and ashamed for fueling their bodies in the first place and if they ENJOY food theyre fat, ugly, greedy pigs. Feeling bad for EATING and obsessing over what you eat or how many calories you intake is not fucking normal. Diet culture is not fucking normal. It’s hideous and it kills people, and makes others wish they were dead.
I still think Moana deserved an Oscar for this part
To me, the moral of Moana is that only women can help other women heal from male violence.
The movie starts with the idea that the male god who wronged Te Fiti must be the one to heal her. This seems to make a certain sort of intuitive sense in that I think we all believe that if you do something wrong you should try to make it right. But how does he try to right it? Through more violence. Of course that failed.
It was only when another woman, Moana, saw past the “demon of earth and fire” that the traumatized Te Fiti had become (what a good metaphor for trauma, right?) and met her with love instead of violence that she was able to heal. Note that they do the forehead press before Moana restores the heart, while Te Fiti is still Te Kā. Moana doesn’t wait for her beautiful island goddess to appear in all her green splendor before greeting and treating her as someone deserving of love.
Moana is only able to restore the heart because Te Kā reveals her vulnerability and allows Moana to touch her there. Maui and his male violence could only ever have resulted in more ruin.
…this is exactly what I was trying to say and you put it beautifully. @i-want-cheese This is why the scene makes me tear up every damn time. Women’s honest, ugly reaction to trauma is almost never even depicted in films, let alone honored the way it is in Moana. Te Fiti doesn’t have to “rise above” being violated before she’s allowed to heal. Moana sees her and says
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
She utterly accepts Te Fiti’s rage, her fear, her lashing out at anyone who comes near the remains of her ravaged body island. Female ugliness isn’t punished, it’s mourned and loved. What an indescribably comforting moment.
“Money can’t buy you happiness” is propaganda from rich people to convince the poor to be satisfied with less.
Delicious, finally some good fucking food.
they’ve actually studied this, and there is a measurable point up to which money basically does buy happiness, and then past that point it stops
a billionaire is not guaranteed to be any happier than a millionaire, but both those people are almost guaranteed to be happier than someone living in poverty
(the “point” turns out to be “the time at which you have enough money that all your needs can be met without anxiety and you have some amount of money left over to do things like pursue passions, give back to the community, and do other emotionally fulfilling things.” what a shocker!)
the old-timers I played with back in Iowa used to say “it’s good enough for folk music” when we got tired of tuning and now it’s entered my vocabulary as an all-purpose useful phrase for beating back perfectionism.
sure, i could make this closer to perfect if i put in more time and effort and there might be circumstances under which that’s a good idea, but for now i’ll get more joy and use out of it if i just accept the kind of wonky version and keep going.
Some variants of this I’ve heard, if folk music isn’t your jam:
- Good Enough For Shakespeare (used to justify odd word choices, cliche’d plot devices, and putting Dick Jokes in the middle of serious work)
- Good Enough For Government Work (Used when you can’t finagle the math so you round up and get on with your life)
- Good Enough For Saint Anthony (used by my Catholic Grandmother, usually when something went wrong in the kitchen)
- Good Enough For The Lutherans (Used by catholic great-aunt, usually when we were running late for something)
- Good Enough For Fish And Biscuits (Great-Uncle Francis said this all the tie and I have no idea what it means but the man was an overwhelming sucess at life so I guess it works)
If you can relate to any of these please follow us @anxietyproblem
All of these are me tho
My entire life is in this
My whole life in a post.
i love cats
you have long cat (serval)
ear cat (sand cat)
small evil cat (black footed cat)
spherical cat (pallas cat)
cat who probably watches makeup tutorials on youtube (caracal)
very round cat (leopardus guigna)
water cat (fishing cat)
cat with socks (leopardus colocolo)
grayscale cat (geoffroy’s cat)
and let’s not forget revolver cat (ocelot)
🎶These are a few of my favorite things 🎶
Don’t forget Snek Cat (Clouded Leopard)
LOOK, TEETHY FUR BOIS
IMPORTANT ALLEGED CATS
Are You 100% Sure This Isn’t A Lemur (flat-headed cat)
That’s A Fucking Stoat (Jaguarundi)
Foot Fetish (canadian lynx)
(OK I’M SORRY FOR THAT ONE BUT JESUS JUST LOOK AT IT.)
and I move that my favorite, spherical cat, should be renamed Redonkasaurus Rex immediately (pallas cat)
*me taking my meds*: Carrie Fisher would want me to
listen, if you’re ever having a hard time and you just want to give up, think about space mom and how proud she would be of you just for fighting
Carrie Fisher definitely wants you to stay alive to tell the world to fuck off one more time. If spite keeps you alive, embrace it.
This post just reminded me I had a pill I need to take, so thanks, Carrie.
Our Blessed Rebel Queen by lindsayvanek
“Our Blessed Rebel Queen and Lady of Alderaan, Carrie Fisher. An
inspiration to us all, let her glowing radiance shine down upon you.”
Hail Carrie, full of sass.
The Force is with thee.
Blessed art thou among Rebels,
and blessed is the fruit of thy struggle,
Resistance.
Holy Carrie, look down from above,
Watch over us rebels,
and remind us to take our meds.
Amen.
Oh my god as a Catholic I have to say I love these last additions and that picture is making my reconsider the design for my Carrie Fisher tattoo
i love how carrie fisher veneration always comes back to: take your meds, stay alive, flip the world off
I am gay. For a very long time I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these reasons. It was unfair that only gay people had to come out. I was sick of change. But the truth is I was just scared. At frist I thought it was just a gay thing but then I realized, no matter what, anouncing yourself to the world is pretty terrifying because what if the world doesn’t like you ?
“Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them…or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.”
Holy SHIT
WELL THEN
Yep.
They actually tested me for a learning disability in high school because I was consistently failing math.
They discovered that I actually scored in the 80th percentile in that sort of learning.
Problem was, in every other subject, I was in the 99.8th percentile.
I had never learned how to study because I never needed to—and then, when something proved to be even the slightest bit challenging, my brain went
“LOL nope this is impossible abort”
Meanwhile, this entire time I’m scraping by in subjects like English. The assignments I did turn in, I’d score top marks—but I’d avoid turning in projects I didn’t think were “good” enough.
Essentially, my brain had two settings: “100%” or “0%”.
This sort of Baby Genius shit makes kids and adolescents neurotic and self-destructive.
We learned about this in Child Development. And we learned to reward hard work and not good job. Like don’t say to a child, “oh you are so smart.” Say “Oh did worked so hard.”
Be proud of the child, not the achievement.
Be proud of the child, not the achievement.
Decades of research have been done on this by Dr. Carol Dweck. When the emphasis is placed on effort (a factor people can control) rather than talent (an innate skill), it’s a lot easier to see mistakes as a learning opportunity rather than something you just won’t ever be good at. And kids who were encouraged by effort were also more willing to take on more challenging work and considered it a lot more fun, while the kids who were praised for their intelligence were reluctant to put themselves in a situation where they might lose that identifier as a “smart kid” by making mistakes, so they preferred to do work they were confident they could master. Also, the kids praised for effort wanted to compare their results to kids who got higher scores, to see where they made their mistakes, while those praised for intelligence wanted to compare their results to kids who scored lower, to reassure themselves.
Not only does this set up “smart” students for a lot of trouble when they enter college and start being regularly challenged, the effects last long beyond that. It can be very hard for the “you’re so smart!” kids to unlearn as they become adults and struggle with even common adult things, and are afraid to ask for help because of that lesson they learned from misguided praise that they are supposed to be smart and supposed to know the answers.
…Honestly +1 here. It’s very well researched and documented and yeah. Making the emphasis on “You succeed and we are proud of you b/c you are SMART as an intrinsic quality!” makes failure/setbacks/difficulty -TERRIFYING- b/c if you’re “smart” it doesn’t happen and if you fail that means you’re not smart and that’s what everyone’s drilled into you as your main point of worth.
And the rates of anxiety disorders among “gifted student” kids are kinda horrifying.
This is why “you’re so smart” means absolutely nothing to me any more. It’s used as punishment as often as it’s used as praise.
#i hate how real this post is
fucking same
yeah add this to the list of “shit I’m struggling with”
